Read this interesting article on overcoming sex addiction which I’d like to share:
Most solutions from google, eHow, yahoo answers and Forum’s are based on this. In other words, using your “Fore-brain.” Things like “don’t think about it, pick up hobbies, exercise, etc.” This is considered a weak method in the Medical/Psychiatric Community for real addicts, and never worked for me by itself. They are valid, and are part of the included solution, but not the silver bullet.
+ reinforcement = applied stimulus (noxious or pleasant)
– reinforcement = removing negative stimulus
Is stronger and better for people with serious addiction, and is Step #3. Combining it with the Cog Approach has best results. Read on please.
THE 5 STEPS:
Step 1: Rearrange your life: Get out of unhealthy relationships (neg. reinforcement), including sexual ones. Sex is OK if in a healthy relationship. Surround yourself with someone who is motivated to offer their support, perhaps found in a “chaste” girlfriend (in my case), religious or otherwise. Tell them about your goal. Have a solid, strong reason(s) for quitting – make a list if you must. Imagine the life you want to live.
Step 2: Deal with personal issues/health: Bipolar, depression, insomnia, OCD, phobias, etc. –> begin treatment. These can make you hyper-sexual or in need of comfort. Masturbation is self-medication just like alcohol and drugs. See a therapist for personal struggles or build friendships.
The most important: Step 3: Fear: Triggers & Memories need to be reconditioned reciprocally. Deliver a painful shock immediately every instant, every time you imagine porn and/or have an urge. Or, more realistically, close your eyes and relive your strongest fear-provoking or painful memory in fine detail (positive reinforcement). Explore making it worse, like bees crawling in your ears and stinging you all over, or a rattlesnake on your bed/floor, or needles, for instance. This is the MAIN STEP. Don’t stop doing this for 3-5 days EVERY SINGLE TIME you have ANY sexual thought, without fail. If you can imagine it to the point you get a shiver and a rush – this is optimal. Keep doing it! See the end of the blog why this works.
Step 4: Environment: Change your environment to include this fear. Desktop backgrounds of bees, for instance. Be able to pull this image up in your mind instantly as soon as “tempted.” Rip sounds off youtube into mp3. Wear clothes/pajamas to bed. Never touch except to wash. Your “urge” will begin diminishing within 3-5 days. Your willpower will manage it better now. Continue these exercises frequently or occasionally to keep things in check as needed.
Step 5: Replace Triggers: Change media habits – movies/shows/songs with any imagery reminiscent. Below is a list of healthy movies. Avoid lustful situations, reduce alcohol consumption, and change how you act in those situations. Avoid turning your head. See women as people and talk to them eye-to-eye, don’t look down. Build a healthy relationship not centered solely on sex. When you undress to shower and a mirror is there, accept your body and its sexual power, but don’t dwell on it. Move on. Imagine the blue guy in The Watchman with an always limp dick and pretend you are him. Use the “How to fall asleep quicker” steps at the end of this blog. Don’t think or count when you last masturbated, focus on your new life and how you want it. Don’t read other how to quit materials – it will just remind you of masturbating and itself is a trigger! Throw away any imagery you have, delete all sexual-related materials from your computer.
“We are addicted to our thoughts. We cannot change anything if we cannot change our thinking.”
Step 5(b): A new you/positive reinforcement: You will have more free time. NOW you can start gradually replace this with new things. I keep a cleaner/more organized apartment, exercise, work on my relationships with others, and spend more time studying (I’m in medical school so not much leisure time for me), and lots of little things you didn’t think you had time to do before.
Further Methods/Fine-Tuning & Tips:
Once you have yourself under better control, you can work on positive reinforcement and replace old habits. You have been living in a world where one thing mattered to you than most other things, and the world will seem grey and boring at first. Consider a hobby related to your fear. For me, it would be bee-keeping. With time, you will learn to find the joy in what remains, be more successful, explore things you didn’t, and be ready for a satisfying relationship. In fact, your sex life is better – you last longer, and she will be happier with your self-control and respect of her. She will be more willing to reciprocate her attentions and be more satisfying to you: quality not quantity.
How to Fall Asleep Quickly: Retrain yourself to fall asleep within 10 minutes.
1. Remove Television and computers from your bedroom.
2. Only lie down when tired. If you don’t fall asleep within 10 minutes, get up and do something else.
3. Melatonin 3mg chewable fast-acting (30 min) can help or add a small 5mg dose of cheap Zolpidem
4. Only use your bed for sleep (and sex when/if you are in a relationship)
5. Keep mints or candy next to your bed. Sometimes eating a snack or a small piece helps. When your mouth produces more saliva it brings on serotonin, bringing on a sense of well-being and comfort. You can choose sugar-free so you don’t worry about dental problems.
6. Warm milk and/or Camamille Tea help, but shouldn’t be necessary.
Please add comments of good movies that are clean to this blog and I will add them, this is a work in progress. Some of these older ones can be found on Youtube such as Silas Marner.
The Last Brickmaker – Sidney Portier
The Simple Life of Noah Dearborn – Sidney Portier
The Legend of Bagger Vance – Will Smith Matt Damon – one minor scene
Why This Works Medically:
The Amygdala is a primitive, VERY powerful part of your brain that handles fear. It can override many processes in your brain and body instantly, especially when faced with a threat. It activates the sympathetic nervous system (libido is linked to the opposite parasympathetic system: you don’t feel like reproducing when being attacked). It also stores memories of the slightest fear-provoking situations. For example, brain scans show it active even looking at a picture of a villain or frowning man!
The Parietal Lobe stores images/movies: all the risque movies, porn, and sexy women you know or have seen in your life. People typically run 1 maybe 2 images at a time without the need for concentration, particularly men who have that “one-tracked mind.” By using fearful imagery, you are blocking out the images AND inhibiting the sex drive simultaneously.
Congratulations, you have employed a self-induced/modified Aversion Therapy and Systematic Desensitization, as well as a host of other Behavioral modification mechanisms. This shot-gun approach should cover all the bases is my hope. Please comment any further ideas that have worked for you – I want your feedback! Aversion therapy is used by medical practitioners for all types of addictions & psychological phenomenon. In Paraphiles, they will actually use physical harm/pain such as electrical shock upon seeing a paraphillic image, in addition to mental excercises of social consequences such as “getting caught.” But you WANT to quit, right? So provide your own negative consequence mentally and repeatedly – it will break your bad habits on a conscious and subconscious level.
Your life will be better with self-mastery.
“An intelligent person can rationalize anything, a wise person doesn’t try.”
My Story & Why I made this:
As far as my biography goes, I am a Medical Student who intends to become a psychiatrist to work with others with addiction and mental illness. I quit a decent career for the cliche term “my life calling.” I hope it works out.
What else is there to say here besides I am a recovered Sex Addict. I watched porn for 17 years, and never went a week without masturbation. I averaged 2-3 masturbation sessions a day. I hit on women any chance I had in inappropriate situations. I paid for sex. I also have Bipolar Type II (Mostly depression with some hypomanias) for which I take 50-100mg Lamotrigine three times a day, which has changed my life. Manic Depression includes hyper-sexuality, and it greatly compounded my addiction with other possible culprits. I have been treated for 4 years, but my addiction only slightly diminished. My brain was already hooked to it.
My addiction derailed my personal life, affected my choice in spouses and girlfriends, and included a host of other problems I’m sure googling “100 reasons to quit masturbating” will reveal. Raised in a religious background long long ago, I did have a religious moment that may have helped. In the dark and alone on a rocky beach I poured my heart out, or rather, yelled at my higher power, blamed him, told him it wasn’t fair, whined, told him I had done my part and tried everything and where has he been all this time. It was a week later when I had the epiphany about focusing on a strong fear I had (next paragraph)
I had tried to quit for years, searched the net through all the ramblings, testimonials, and forums and tried things without success, including Chasteberry root to lower my libido. I didn’t really come across Aversion Therapy, which is used on Paraphiliacs by psychiatrists, and I certainly wouldn’t “deliver shock” to myself if I had read it. Remembering a childhood fear of bees when I seemed at my “wits end” on how to quit just seemed like an epiphany, and I started concentrating on it every time I had a “naughty thought” if you will. Within a few days, I was elated at this new-found control. ONLY THEN, did all the other things start clicking into place Steps 4+ which are so common on the web. I honestly feel that most could just do Step #3 and if they have any level of intelligence and motivation, the other steps just make “sense.”
Complete “Masturbation Celibacy” vs. Reducing Masturbation Frequency.
I think the prevailing opinion by many is that “masturbation is ok and healthy” “hey it reduces prostate cancer!” etc, but not at the level I was doing it. My goal which seemed impossible was to eliminate it all together and reserve my libido solely for my partner. This is an important point, because as an addict my brain has been conditioned to associate self-masturbation with porn. Therefore, it is my belief that masturbating, if I choose to, risks putting me back into porn habits, just like a smoker who goes into a pool hall. If I were to resume it albeit infrequently, I would need to be in controlled situations and proceeded carefully, controlling my thoughts so as not to retrigger my porn addiction or overly indulge. Paraphilias, for instance, are instructed to masturbate at “appropriate” situations rather than their fetish, a paradox that soft-porn is part of a paraphillias’ treatment in light of my story. I hope, however, you are intelligent enough to get my point: I need to still control “porn triggers” and encourage masturbation in appropriate situations, such as with a partner. However, it is my belief I needed this Complete Celibacy FIRST to gain control, and then reintroduce it in healthier situations and frequency.”